Balancing Love and Little Ones: Growing Together in Grace

From Marriage to Parenthood

Getting married and having kids will sanctify you quicker than just about anything else—because nothing reveals your flaws like arguing over diapers at 2 a.m. While marriage and parenthood are the most beautiful gifts and give us a deeper understanding of God’s character, they can also be some of the hardest transitions we’ll ever walk through. We are required to think a little less about ourselves and a lot more about serving others. After marriage, you suddenly have another person to consider in everything—whether it’s what car to buy or what’s for dinner. Then children come along, and now you and your spouse are responsible for an entire new person! Suddenly it’s not just about our weekend plans, but how to raise a child.

It’s funny because when you’re dating, you focus on being aligned on the “big things”—like whether or not you want kids. But once you have a baby, you realize there are a million smaller decisions you’ll work through together. Often that’s unifying—we were both brand-new parents, figuring it out side by side. But other times, disagreements came up. Then, the challenge is remembering that both of us are simply trying to do what’s best for the little one we love so much and how to solve it together. All of a sudden, the new love language is “I’ll handle bedtime if you handle the toddler tantrum” and the grand romantic gesture is volunteering to pick up all the toys in the living room.

The Challenges and Differences of Parenthood

That’s part of the reason the early years of parenting can be so tough on marriages. Parenthood is designed to stretch us, sometimes past our limits, with the purpose of growing us closer together as one and closer to God.

My husband is my best friend, and he has always been a present, involved father. But even so, those first weeks with our daughter were eye-opening. I remember being home and feeling the “baby blues,” emotional about every little thing. One day I was about to change her diaper when my husband stepped in and offered to do it. Instead of relief, I felt so sad—I hadn’t changed a single diaper since being home! Through tears, I asked if he didn’t think I could do it myself, and he quickly explained he was just trying to take something off my plate. He apologized, as did I, because I realized that was his way of loving on me and our new baby.

Fast-forward to when we had twins, and the learning curve doubled. After delivery, they were taken to the NICU, and because I was still on bedrest, my husband was the first one allowed to visit. He held them, changed their diapers, and even showed family around the NICU before I could go. By the time I finally got there, he had already had several visits. Our girls were so tiny—5.4 pounds and 4.5 pounds—that I was nervous to handle them. I let him show me how to change their diapers the first few times. That season reminded me again that even though we’re in this together, our experiences can look so different.

Life with kids has been the most different our days have ever looked. Before, we both worked jobs, did fun things on the weekends, and shared the same circle of friends. Now, our “jobs” and even our social worlds are completely different. My days revolve around being home with the kids and connecting with other moms, while he continues in the corporate realm. God designed mothers and fathers differently for a reason, and our children need both of our strengths. Still, there are things he just won’t fully understand about motherhood.

For example, the constant pull of mom guilt (thankfully something he doesn’t struggle with because I need him to help keep me grounded!) Or what it’s like to spend a whole day answering a toddler’s endless questions with patience (mostly) and having three little ones climbing all over me until I just need a few minutes of space to myself after bedtime. On the other hand, I don’t carry the weight of being our sole financial provider or know what it feels like to step away for 8+ hours and miss the kids doing something new. We each carry burdens and joys that are unique, but when we embrace each other’s sacrifices and encourage one another, it strengthens our marriage.

Staying Intentional Together

With all the life change that comes with kids—especially more than one—it’s so important to be intentional with each other. Here are some ideas to stay connected, grow, and have fun together:

1. Pray for and with each other. We all need prayer and a Savior—lifting your spouse’s needs before the Lord is one of the most loving things you can do. And be ready for God to use you to answer a prayer for your spouse.

2. Do a Bible study together. It’s a beautiful way to grow closer to God and to each other.

3. Read a book together. Whether its business, sci-fi, mystery, history. Reading at the same time, even if it’s different books, still sparks fun conversations. My husband and I recently reread the Eragon series at the same time and it was fun talking about all the things we had forgotten.

4. Learn a new skill together. We’re big hockey fans, and I’d love to take adult hockey lessons someday just to appreciate the sport more. Ballroom dancing and specialty cooking classes are also on our bucket list.

5. Join a sports league. We love playing soccer and pickleball and are hoping to join a league now that the kids are a little easier for family to handle. Although playing sports together can test you in other ways…so be prepared for that!

6. Create a health challenge with rewards. Winner gets to pick the date night activity or a fun prize—but only if competition sounds fun for you both!

7. Play games. Cribbage, cards, even video games when you can sneak them in. We’ll sometimes grab ice cream and play cards after the kids are asleep and it’s a sweet reminder to slow down and enjoy being together.

8. Make babysitters a priority. Even a short date matters. For my birthday, we did a lunch date during nap time and were home by dinner. It doesn’t have to be elaborate—it just has to be intentional. You’ll be surprised how refreshed you feel after getting out together!

9. Keep date nights light. We still talk about the kids (of course), but we avoid stressful topics so the time together feels restorative.

   
   

10. Bonus: If you and your spouse are feeling really bold, try a business venture together. We recently dove into self-storage investing—it’s been a new challenge, but also a way to use our complementary strengths side by side.

    
    
    
    

Rooted in Grace and God’s Love

In this season, give each other grace and forgiveness, keep communication open and kind (you catch more flies with honey than vinegar!), and remember the Lord is walking this journey with you both. Trust Him—He loves you, and He is for your marriage. Keep laughing together—even if it’s at spilled snacks, LEGO building battles, or who forgot to throw away that poopy diaper...

“Haven’t you read,” he replied, “that at the beginning the Creator ‘made them male and female,’ and said, ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’? So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.”

Matthew 19:4-6

How do you and your spouse stay connected in the middle of parenting? Share your tips—I'd love to hear them!